Simple truths and life's rules

The weekend is a light posting time for me since I have to work.....You believe that stuff?  They make me work.....And I figured that they would pay me since I am a nice guy.   Oh Well, another life's illusions squashed like the bugs on my windshield.   My Dad sent me this and I got a chuckle out of it.

SIMPLE TRUTH 1

 

Partners help each other undress before sex.

 

However after sex, they always dress on their own.

 

Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

 

SIMPLE TRUTH 2

 

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying

"congrats".

 

But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".

 

Moral of the story: Hard work is never appreciated.

 

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE

 

1. Money can not buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a

Corvette than on a bicycle.

 

2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole's name.

 

3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you

when they're in trouble again.

 

4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

 

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

 

THERE YOU HAVE IT...and remember, life is good.