Best and worse excuses for speeding....

-I told a State Trooper I was speeding because I had to use the bathroom. He told me where the closet restroom was located, followed me and wrote my ticket in the parking lot as I ran inside to use the bathroom".

-"I am on my way to give someone their last rites". Later the driver complained that I made him late and the guy died without them, however after the ticket he went directly into the nearby McDonalds.

-A cop caught a woman speeding who pulled into a convenience store and bought drinks. When she returned out to her car, the cop saw she was pregnant. "I'm in labour and on my way to the hospital" the woman told him. He offered to escort her to the hospital but the woman admitted she just used her pregnancy as an excuse.

-Stopped a guy doing 30 over. He asked to get out of the car to speak with me. After patting him down he walked to the rear of my car. He then asked if I would hurry up and write his ticket, he really needed to get home. After this request I asked him the emergency. He said I might not understand. I said just tell me what's the problem. He point toward his car and the young woman in it. He said they had been dating several months and she was finally "giving it up" and he wanted to get home before she changed her mind.

-In another hospital excuse, an officer said the driver he stopped for speeding said he was taking his wife to the hospital. "She's bad sick" the driver told Thomas. Thomas glanced in at the wife who wore a smirk on her face. Thomas offered to escort the couple to the hospital. While en route, he watched the couple arguing. He followed them into the emergency room where they continued arguing. Just as she acted like she was going to check in, the wife stopped and said "I'm not doing this anymore. You need to take what's coming to you".

-The best was when I stopped a guy going 88mph in a 60. Asked him why he was going so fast. He replied "I was trying to go back in time" as he looked at me and grinned.

-My dad used to say he got held up and was very late picking up his daughter and he was worried about her waiting all alone. Worked about 90% of the time.

-A drunk guy told me he was pregnant then urinated all over himself claiming his water broke.

-My wife didn't care for long drives on the interstate when she travelled on business alone. So she would put a box of tampons (visible) in the backseat. Whenever she was stopped for speeding, she would act jumpy, exasperated and irate. When questioned as to why she was driving so fast she would point to the box of tampons in the backseat. No male officer ever ticketed her!

-I stopped a girl with all the Goth black stuff on herself and little figurines on her dash. I asked what is all this stuff. She said "I'm a Wicka". I said "A what?" She goes "You know, a witch". I said "Oh yeah". Then she asks "Are you giving me a ticket?" I said "Yes, I am". She said "I'll put a spell on you. I told her "Too late. My ex-wife beat you to it".

-As I was speeding, a state trooper pulled me over. When he told me how fast I was going I told him I had been talking to myself. He looked puzzled. I said I was mad at my husband and was practicing what I was going to say to him. I guess the madder I got the faster I got. He closed his ticket book and said "I'll let you finish your conversation, just keep it under the speed limit". Works every time.

-DRIVER: My buddy, who is police officer, is gonna kill me! OFFICER: Who is your buddy? DRIVER: David Pollino! OFFICER: Ohhhh, you know Dave Pollino? Well in that case, you should thank him when you see him! DRIVER: You bet Officer, I will do exactly that! I stand there in awkward silence until the driver chimes in and says can I help you? OFFICER: Just waiting for my thanks. DRIVER: I don't understand! OFFICER: Can you read, ma'am? Can you read my name tag out loud? DRIVER: Officer! Sgt. David Pollino! OFFICER: Ma'am, since we are such good friends and all, and you were going to thank me, I was just waiting for my thanks.

-An officer asked my grandma why she was in a hurry and she said she had ice cream in the back and didn't want it to melt. He let her go.

-"Oh I thought the sign I-95 meant the speed limit... glad you didn't catch me over on SR-210 earlier".

-"I wasn't speeding, I just got a haircut and it makes me look fast".

-One driver blamed bigger tires for his increased speed. The judge understood because he knew changing out the size of a tire can throw off the speedometer.

-It snowed 6 inches and I radar a car driving 54 in a 30. Stopped her and she very matter of fact told me "Duh, I know I was going fast, I was trying to get the snow off my windshield so I could see where I'm going!!"

-I was working the highway on a Sunday afternoon and I pulled over a van with two occupants that was speeding. I asked what the emergency was and the driver responds that he was trying to get a fly out of the van and he figured that if he opened the windows and sped that it would work.

-I checked a 17-year-old kid on I-71 at 101mph. He was driving a gold Ford Explorer. When I told him I checked him at 101, he threw a fit and wanted to argue with me, saying he was only doing 85mph. Me, being the curious cop, asked him why he thought he was only going 85 and his response was "My speedometer only goes to 85 and I had my gas pushed all the way to the floor".

-I was trying to catch up to the guy in front of me so that I could read his license plate because he threw a beer bottle at my car".

-One of my cop friends told me a story: he pulled over a couple for speeding, asked why the driver (male) was speeding. The male said his wife (the passenger) was pregnant and they were going to the hospital. The officer said that was fine (even though he knew the truth) and followed them to the hospital to make sure everything went alright. When they got to the hospital, he escorted them in and made sure they got a room right away. Finally the male admitted to lying. The officer didn't write him up, figured the hospital bill would be enough.

-"My car has a recall on it for unexplained acceleration and I'm on my way to get it fixed!"

-I got pulled over in a small town in east Texas several years ago. When he asked for my license, I pulled my money clip out, which had my license in it as well as several twenties and fifties that he could see. I made the comment that I bet $50 that he was going to give me a ticket. He just smiled and said "You just lost. Where is my $50?" I was glad to give it to him".

-"I have a cold and when I cough, my foot mashes the pedal"...

-A few years ago when I was young and dumb, I had just gotten off from work and was speeding home - about 55 mph in a 30mph construction zone. I was pulled over and after the officer told me how fast I was going I told him that I had just put some new rear-end gears in my truck and my speedometer wasn't working right. All he said was to take it easy going home and get it fixed. No ticket.

-I stopped a guy for doing 71 in a 50 because he wanted to get to McDonalds before the breakfast menu ended.

-When I was in college, I had "stayed over" my date's house too late and was zipping home in the wee hours of the morning. A police officer pulled me over citing that I was driving over 85mph. I told him that I was sorry, but I was very tired from being up studying all night and was trying to get home to bed. Besides, my old Toyota couldn't possibly go 85 mph because the speedometer only goes up to 75! The officer put his head through the window to verify what I said and confirmed it. He let me go, saying: 'Get some sleep!'"

-I had someone tell me that he put too much oil in the engine of his vehicle, and he had to drive really fast to burn the extra oil out.

-I was going 85 mph in a 55-zone on I-40. I had just gotten my license a couple of weeks before. I still had my driver's manual in the glove box. By the time the officer had pulled me over, I had grabbed it, looked up 'DMV officers' and noticed they mostly deal with 18-wheelers. I gave him my driver's license and registration and asked if I could show him something. I showed him the manual and asked "Where's my other 14 wheels?" He laughed, told me to slow down and let me off with a verbal warning.

-I was told by a lady her accelerator was broken and it always went that fast no matter

-We had been trying to get pregnant for a while and were seeing a specialist. En route there I was taking a little-used side road that was 25mph. The cop clocked us at 94 in a 25. We were only about 3 minutes from the doctor's office at the hospital. When we explained we only had a few minutes to get this 'sample' to the office, not only did he let us go, but he even waved us through the red light.

-Pulled over a Corvette doing 100 in 55zone. Late at night on highway no traffic... I told the driver "You were flying, unless you have a pilot's license, you are going to jail". He actuallyhanded me a pilot license... yep I let him go.

-Apparently insulting an officer isn't an effective tool for getting out of a traffic stop. When the officer asks why you were going so fast, don't reply: "Tim Horton's has half-price donuts down the road and I was clearing the way for you".

-I stopped a lady who was crying when I walked up. I asked what the problem was. She said she had gone shopping for the first time after having a baby and nothing fit right. I handed her her license back and slowly backed away. Nothing good was coming from this!

-From an 80-year-old woman I stopped: "I'm speeding because I don't want to forget where I am going".

-"I was just keeping the 2 second buffer time between me and the car behind me". "There was no one behind you..." "Good job, huh?"

-I had a lady tell me that she was rushing home to meet her husband because she had 20 minutes to get pregnant. They were using one of those kits that told you when the right day and time of day, would be best.

-"The box says "If you have an erection over 4 hours, see your doctor IMMEDIATELY!'"

-"I wasn't speeding, I was qualifying".

-A 17-year-old was going 23 over. When I asked him why he was going so fast, he looked me dead in the eye and said "Because I'm just all kinds of stupid".

-I got tagged for doing 54 in a 45 years back. The officer laughed when he told me and I said that my dyslexia was acting up again.

-A traffic enforcement officer stopped a woman driving 60mph in a 45mph zone. When he asked why she sped, the driver replied "My colon has fallen in my vaginal canal". The officer wrote her a ticket anyway. He figured she could bring medical proof to court if she wanted to contest the ticket. She paid it without a hearing.

-"My car is a 2010 Corolla, and Toyota just released a recall for acceleration. It's all over the news!" He still got the ticket.

-"The reason I was going so fast is because I couldn't see the speedometer" the driver said. Evans peered inside the car and the speedometer appeared fine. The driver explained. "Sir, I had my head so far up my butt there's no way I could possibly see how fast I was going" the driver said. After a few short laughs and a warning citation, he was on his way.

-"I was low on gas so I wanted to make sure I had enough speed to coast home".

-An officer stopped a speeding driver whose excuse was there was a rat loose in the car. Apparently, the driver bought mice to feed his snake and placed the mice inside a cardboard box. The mice chewed through the box and escaped in the car.

-"I didn't want to get caught driving unaccompanied with my learner permit".

-A Highway Patrol Trooper clocked a man driving more than 100mph one cold morning. "Why are you going that fast?" He replied he was trying to get his window to defog because he couldn't see.

-A Traffic Officer stopped a speeding driver and asked about the reason for traveling so fast. "My colonoscopy bag is leaking" the driver replied. "Prove it" Huey said. When the driver did so the officer simply told the driver "Have a nice night".