Church experience in Basic Training

I was surfing on Sunday catching my breath, I have been working like crazy on the house and so I haven't posted like I like to.  Well anyway I was surfing rolling through my blogroll like I do every morning and I got to my online friend AFSarge, really good guy, more hardcore into history than I am and that says something, I will give an example on the dedication.  I had at work 11 years ago one of my "work-withs", out of the blue asked me "Quick overview of Operation Barbarossa", Well I replied " June 1942, Well it was a 3 prong attack with 3 Army groups , One  headed to the Caucauses, One headed to the center and Moscow and the 3rd was headed toward Leningrad",  Old AFSarge would have had the breakdown of each unit and each group commander memorized.   Old AFSarge is a good guy and he has been around a long time, Old NFO taught him how to fly.  Well what prompted this blogpost was a posting AFSarge had on Easter and he mentioned his Easter Church activity in Basic and it reminded me of mine so I decided to post the story of my adventure.

    I had joined the U.S. Army in 1985 and for my troubles, got sent to Fort Leonard Wood in Missouri (Fort Lost in the Woods in Misery) A.K.A. "Little Korea", apparently the weather was either hot as hell or as cold as sh*t as the term went.  Great place for an Army post, smack dab in the middle of nowhere...at least from where I could tell back then.  We were in if memory recalls, "Blue phase" the 3rd phase of basic training.  Until my cycle went through, basic was 8 weeks long, mine was longer because they had added bayonet to my cycle, I had Blogged about it.  Well anyway it was on a Saturday afternoon formation and the senior drill sergeant would give some administrative announcements as is standard, then he mentioned that "Tomorrow is Sunday and if any Privates(They always referred to us in the 3rd persons) would like to go to a church off post (Off Post?  What?? Not be around the company area cleaning....Really!!!! Sign us up!!!)  to have lunch with the congregation and attend a service.(Food that ain't from a mess hall!!!!!! YAHOO!!!!!!!!) Now if any privates are interested, let your chain of command know about it and they will let you privates know where you you have to congregate at.   Now a word of advice to you privates, you privates will be representing the United States Army, and if any privates gets dumb as privates tend to get, then the private will belong to us."  an inward shudder ran through us because we have seen some of the "smoke sessions" and they are legendary.
      The next day most of the company dressed in our class A uniform with just our last name and our marksmanship badge(apparently everyone had the same idea) meet at the messhall and get on the big green Army bus and ride off post(The Air of Freedom!!) and the bus drives and drives into the Missouri Ozarks until we get to a church where we get off the bus and we are talking amongst ourselves and we had noticed no drill sergeants(Yay Freedom!!) and we are escorted into a hall where there is food and it is good church food, where I hear the term"Gospel Bird" or Fried Chicken for the first time and the people were really nice and we eat a lot and we for the first time didn't rush through a meal.  After the meal, we are told that service will be in 10 minutes...we go to the bathroom, those that smoke, went and smoked and things of that nature.  Well we then go into the the church.  First off I notice that it is a bit different...Now a bit of background here...I am an Army Brat, and I was raised Catholic and the masses were on post and back then were in Latin, remember that is my total experience, even in basic when I went to service it was on post and it was in Latin.  Well like I said, it was set up differently and the service started and the priest, preacher,reverent,pastor started his sermon...first off it was in English...ok, no biggie, second he started preaching...ok...no biggie....then the choir would sing, while they were singing, we were looking with rapt attention at the choir ladies...Hey we were guys, young guys and they looked pretty, well anyway..the preacher I will settle for that word, started preaching and mentioning hellfire and damnation and started thumping the Bible on the pulpit...(Say what??)  remember the restrained church services that I mentioned....I really was outside of my comfort zone... Well the Preacher continues in the best style of the Pentecostal preacher preaching total hellfire and damnation upon the world unless everyone repents of their sins right now!

I am using a Charlie Brown Pentecostal as the pattern the Preacher used....

Well anyway the guy was on a roll and people were starting to speak in tongues...and thrash in the aisles....I am really freaked out at this point....Remember.....Restrained Latin Catholic services...to this?    Well anyway   there was more to come....What could beat this?    

You betcha....On top of Priest,Pastor,preacher,reverend, also snake wrangler is part of his repertoire, I heard the term "Praise the Lord and Pass the Reptile" for the first time and the snake started making the rounds....And as the snake was making the rounds, I know what a rattlesnake looks like, I am a boy scout you know....Well anyway the snake is making the round and I hear "If you are not saved, you will taste the fangs of the serpent for the serpent represents the devil and the devil knows his own and you need to be saved right now and to be saved NOW or the fangs of the serpent will know your flesh..for you ARE A SINNER IN THE EYES OF THE LORD!!!"   Right now I am looking for exits, I am freaking out, this is so outside of my comfort zone it has completed a circle almost.  I look around and I see GI's at the pulpit crying and repenting with their arms in the air begging for forgiviness for whatever sins they might have I am quickly scanning and spot an exit and make a beeline for the exit, but there are 2 guys there and they tell me, "Go back to your seat, the service isn't over." I look at both of them and think quickly"Look, I gotta pee and I don't want to go in the uniform, I will catch hell when go back to post from the drill sergeants.  "They told me"go back to your seat.." looked each of them dead in the eye and said "Look I gotta pee, and I ain't gonna pee in the uniform, I will whip it out and piss on your shoes..."  they look at each other and they open the door and let me out.  I head to the bathroom, go to the bathroom, then find the bus and get into the bus and crouch kinda low where I can't really be seen from the church  and get the shakes really bad.  Man talk about being freaked about.   When we got back, I asked the few people that stayed behind what did they do...and they told us, "we just laid around, went to Church then Lunch, the Drill Sergeants left us alone today."   Say What?.......

     The end results are several.  I have more tolerances for church services, I can go from restrained ALMOST to snake handling and not be bothered.  Big Plus mind you, also part of being in the service is have a cool story to tell your friend.and you hear the inevitable "aw that is bullshit" comment that you get. but you know what you know and you tell it that people know that you tell the truth.  And finally I annoy the spousal unit when I bring it out during gatherings and go into my "Snake handling preacher routine " that I have and am pretty good at and embarrasses her, but it is the joys of marriage.