Webster

The Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions." --American Statesman Daniel Webster (1782-1852)


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Airplane humor

I am in the aviation industry and I see a lot of airplanes with different livery(What the paint pattern on the airplane is called)  But the low cost carrier "Kulula" based in South Africa has a sense of humor, I got a chuckle reading the assorted logo's on the green airplane.  I also found the livery for another Kulula jet that follows the tongue in cheek humor.


Kulula-air tries not to take itself too seriously

Kulula is a low-fare 737 carrier based in South Africa. The airline started in 2001 and recently took delivery of a new 737-800 with an unusual paint scheme.

Dubbed "Flying 101" it isn't the typical Kulula logo-jet.

Someone there clearly has a sense of humor. The entire airplane is covered with details about the plane, including arrows pointing to the more interesting parts.

"The big cheese" describes the captain's window. An arrow points to the aircraft's registration, calling it the "Secret code."

Even the lav is pointed out, with the description, "Loo (or mile-high initiation chamber)."

The black box, seats, stabilizer and rudder are also pointed out and include a bit of clever commentary as well. I think we can all appreciate a marketing scheme that doesn't take itself too seriously.

More pics:






Kulula also has different safety briefings than the average airline. I have some samples below.



Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg.  Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining.  Here are some real examples that have been heard or  reported:

- On a Kulula flight,  (there is no assigned seating, you just sit  where you want)
 passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight  attendant announced, 
"People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!" 

                  ---o0o--- 

On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen,
 we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your  flight attendants." 

                  ----o0o--- 

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings.
 If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have." 

                  ----o0o--- 

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."  

                  ---o0o---

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much
 as we enjoyed taking you for a  ride" 

                  ---o0o--- 

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a lone voice came
 over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!" 

                  ---o0o-- 

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant
 on a flight announced, "Please take care when  opening the overhead compartments because, after  a landing like that, sure as hell everything has  shifted." 

                  ---o0o--- 

From a Kulula employee: "Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate
 your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and  pull tight. It works just like every
other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one,  you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised." 

                  ---o0o--- 

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling.
 Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child,  pick your favorite." 

                  ---o0o--- 

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to
 have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines." 

                  ----o0o--- 

"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency
 water landing, please paddle to shore  and take them with our compliments." 

                  ---o0o--- 
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind
 will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." 

                  ---o0o--- 

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce
 that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this  flight!" 

                  ---o0o— 

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town: The flight attendant
 came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flightattendant's fault, it was the  asphalt."

                  ---o0o— 

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, on a particularly windy and bumpy day:
 During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant  said, "Ladies and Gentlemen,  welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

                  ---o0o— 

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
 "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

                  ---o0o— 

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the
 runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline".   He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

                  ---o0o— 

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew
 have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."

                  ---o0o— 

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge
 to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

                  ---o0o— 


Heard on a Kulula flight: "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.
 If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em." 

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