Webster

The Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions." --American Statesman Daniel Webster (1782-1852)


Showing posts with label Military Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Military Humor. Show all posts

Saturday, November 6, 2021

Military Humor

 

I am an Army veteran so we can make jokes at the Air Force.  They DO treat their people  way better and that is a fact.....although I and other veterans do consider them........well pampered comes to mind.  We will give them a hard time but woe to any civilian that tries to give them or anybody in the military any crap, unless they walked in our boots, they didn't earn the right to give any of us any grief.  I piled on some people that tried to talk crap praising the Marines and talk shit about the other service and I told them, "unless you are in the green weenie, you can't say crap about the other services, the marines will shut you down faster than I am, so you need to chill out with that shit before your mouth writes a check your ass can't cash".

    I will also add another one that had made the rounds a few times and I had seen a copy of this at the flight operations hut at Katterbach Germany(Near Ansbach)

 

Classic Quotes - A Little Military Humor


At this command, we have written in large, black letters: DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) on the back of our security badges." Maj (CENTCOM)

"'Leaning forward' is really just the first phase of 'falling on your face.'" Marine Col (MARFOREUR)

"I am so far down the food chain that I've got plankton bites on my butt."

"None of us is as dumb as all of us." Excerpted from a brief (EUCOM)

"We're from the nuke shop, sir. We're the crazy aunt in the closet that nobody likes to talk about ..." Lt Col (EUCOM) in briefings

"Things are looking up for us here. In fact, Papua-New Guinea is thinking of offering two platoons: one of Infantry (headhunters) and one of engineers (hut builders). They want to eat any Iraqis they kill. We've got no issues with that, but State is being anal about it." LTC (JS) on OIF coalition-building.

"The chance of success in these talks is the same as the number of "R's" in 'fat chance...'" GS-15 (SHAPE)

"His knowledge on that topic is only power point deep..." MAJ (JS)

"Ya know, in this Command, if the world were supposed to end tomorrow, it would still happen behind schedule." CWO4 (EUCOM)

"We are condemned men who are chained and will row in place until we rot." LtCol (CENTCOM) on life at his Command

"Right now we're pretty much the ham in a bad ham sandwich..." GO/FO (EUCOM)

"If we wait until the last minute to do it, it'll only take a minute." MAJ(EUCOM)

"The only reason that anything ever gets done is because there are pockets of competence in every command. The key is to find them ... and then exploit the hell out of 'em." CDR (CENTCOM)

"I may be slow, but I do poor work..." MAJ (USAREUR)

"Cynicism is the smoke that rises from the ashes of burned out dreams." Maj (CENTCOM) on the daily thrashings delivered to AOs at his Command.

"WE are the reason that Rumsfeld hates us..." LTC (EUCOM) doing some standard, Army self-flagellation

"Working with Hungary is like watching a bad comedy set on auto repeat..." LCDR (EUCOM)

"I finally figured out that when a Turkish officer tells you, "It’s no problem," he means, for him." Maj (EUCOM)

"Never in the history of the US Armed Forces have so many done so much for so few..." MAJ (Task Force Warrior) on the "success" of the Free Iraqi Forces (FIF) Training Program, where 1100 Army troops trained 77 Iraqi exiles at the cost of, well, way too much...

"Our days are spent trying to get some poor, unsuspecting third world country to pony up to spending a year in a sweltering desert, full of pissed off Arabs who would rather shave the back of their legs with a cheese grater than submit to foreign occupation by a country for whom they have nothing but contempt." LTC (JS) on the joys of coalition building

"I guess the next thing they'll ask for is 300 US citizens with Hungarian last names to send to Iraq..." MAJ (JS) on the often-frustrating process of building the Iraqi coalition for Phase IV

"Between us girls, would it help to clarify the issue if you knew that Hungary is land-locked?" CDR to MAJ (EUCOM) on why a deployment from Hungary is likely to proceed by air rather than sea

"So, what do you wanna do?"..."I dunno, what do YOU wanna do?"..."I dunno, what do YOU wanna do?," etc. -- COL (DIA) describing the way OUSD(P) develops and implements their strategies.

"I'll be right back. I have to go pound my nuts flat..." Lt Col (EUCOM) after being assigned a difficult task.

"I guess this is the wrong power cord for the computer, huh?" LtCol (EUCOM) after the smoke cleared from plugging his 110V computer into a 220V outlet

"OK, this is too stupid for words." LTC (JS)

"When you get right up to the line that you're not supposed to cross, the only person in front of you will be me!" CDR (CENTCOM) on his view of the value of being politically correct in today's military

"There's nothing wrong with crossing that line a little bit, it's jumping over it buck naked that will probably get you in trouble..." Lt Col (EUCOM) responding to the above

"Never pet a burning dog." LTC (Tennessee National Guard)

"Ah, the joys of Paris: a unique chance to swill warm wine and be mesmerized by the dank ambrosia of unkempt armpits..." LCDR (NAVEUR) [obviously this guy has been to the wrong parts of Paris...]

"'Status quo,' as you know, is Latin for 'the mess we're in...'" Attributed to former President Ronald Reagan

"We are now past the good idea cutoff point..." MAJ (JS) on the fact that somebody always tries to "fine tune" a COA with more "good ideas"

"Nobody ever said you had to be smart to make 0-6." Col (EUCOM)

"I haven't complied with a darn thing and nothing bad has happened to me yet."

"Whatever happened to good old-fashioned military leadership? Just task the first two people you see."

"Accuracy and attention to detail take a certain amount of time."

"I seem to be rapidly approaching the apex of my mediocre career." MAJ (JS)

"Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress."

"It's not a lot of work unless you have to do it." LTC (EUCOM)

"Creating smoking holes (with bombs) gives our lives meaning and enhances our manliness." LTC (EUCOM) at a CT conference

"Eventually, we have to 'make nice' with the French, although, since I'm new in my job, I have every expectation that I'll be contradicted." DOS rep at a Counter Terrorism Conference

"Once you accept that a dog is a dog, you can't get upset when it barks." Lt Col (USSOCOM)

"That guy just won't take 'yes' for an answer." MAJ (EUCOM)

"Let's just call Lessons Learned what they really are: institutionalized scab picking."

"I can describe what it feels like being a Staff Officer in two words: distilled pain." CDR (NAVEUR)

"When all else fails, simply revel in the absurdity of it all." LCDR (CENTCOM)

"Never attribute to malice that which can be ascribed to sheer stupidity." LTC (CENTCOM)

 And to prove that I am an equal opportunity harasser, this one is for the "Marines"

 

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

If Firefly characters were in the Army

I saw this on Angry Staff Officer, yeah blame Mack for this one.  I saw Firefly when the Movie "Serenity" came out and it was really good movie, and I would draw parallels of the "Alliance" as the Nanny State and the "Browncoats" as the people that loved Freedom.

Here is a great line from the movie and it is very telling to me for people that are tired of running and plan on causing trouble because their backs are against the wall and there is no choice.  The Pics are compliments of "Google".  If you never seen the show before, it is worth a look.  There was only 1 season then the fans raised soo much hell, that they made a movie. called "Serenity"

If you’re like me, you discovered the TV show Firefly well after the time it first ran in 2003. While we were spared the original heartbreak that came when the show was not renewed for a second season – damn you, Fox – we are still reminded of our loss every time we watch the show. And we watch it again, and again, and again, because it’s incredibly addictive television. And if you haven’t seen it – well, I’m not sure what I can do for you other than to tell you to see it, because who doesn’t love a space western?
As I was watching it this past time, it dawned on me that I’ve seen all these characters before: in the military. So here are the crew members of the cargo ship Serenity, as they would appear in your military unit.

Malcolm Reynolds
We first meet Mal as an non-commissioned officers fighting in the Browncoats, a force holding out against the Alliance. The first thing out of his mouth is a request for air support as he’s getting pummeled by enemy fire. He then steals a code off a dead officer to get the radio working. So yeah, he’s your basic NCO. Equipped with a quick wit, a sharp right, and the ability to talk or shoot himself out or into any situation, he’s your standard or garden variety E-7 turned officer. His rhetoric is easily identifiable: “I guess you weren’t burdened with an over-abundance of schooling” is something that you’d hear on the range from an E-7 asking a private why they decided to point their weapon at something other than the target. “My days of taking you seriously are rapidly coming to a middle,” could be heard from a sarcastic staff officer. Although Mal wouldn’t let himself be trapped on staff – he’d find some way to escape. Possibly without clothes. Most likely either cav or engineer.
And yes, Mal is the leader that I aspire to be. Or at least to have his vocabulary.

Wash

Crazy shirts, crazy hair, plays with toy dinosaurs, mouths off to anyone in authority with impunity: yup, we’ve got ourselves a warrant officer rotary-wing pilot over here. Been flying so long that he often forgets that he’s actually piloting the craft. Manages to not care about any regulations; somehow lands the hot and tough E-6 as a wife. Confuses the hell out of all non-aviators. 

Zoe
Zoe is that E-6 in the platoon who is smarter than even the company commander, but because of that intelligence, realizes that she does not want to become an officer. Often bears the workload of the company and is simultaneously liked and feared. Feared, because everyone realizes that she can engage targets out to 30 meters while firing from the hip which unnerves the dudes in the infantry unit that she’s now in. Drawn to nerdy pilots, and no one can figure out why. 

Jayne
Jayne is the kind of guy that you want to keep close to you if there’s a fight but far away from unsecured supply rooms. There is at least one Jayne in every infantry platoon. Sometimes there are even whole platoons of Jaynes. Big, loud-mouthed, with an affinity for large weapons and any woman that will tolerate their presence for more than five minutes. Will wear silly hats without realizing that they are silly.

Kaylee
Kaylee is the kind of maintainer that you would want in your unit. Able to diagnose just about any engine problem just by the sound it makes, she’s worth her weight in gold. Not super helpful in a fight, but incredibly loyal. However, you do have to worry about her falling in love with the battalion PA, which will cause some problems if the PA’s sister is completely insane.

Shepherd Book
Totally not your normal chaplain. Definitely one of those chaplains with mysterious prior service that he won’t tell you about but who somehow has a TS/SCI clearance and knows how to handle a weapon with ease. Very passionate about their beliefs but won’t shove them down your throat. Because of that, very rare and not welcome in most conventional houses of worship, hence their being drawn into the military. Can be most often found trying to find his way into a deploying combat unit.

Simon Tam
Rich white boy with oodles of privilege joins the Army and discovers that people like the infantry exist, gets punched in the face, learns how to adapt. That’s basically the Simon Tam story. Almost always an officer. And sometimes they don’t adapt.

River Tam
Yeah, so, probably was once a CIA test case for something or other but was then moved over to the military. Decidedly crazy. Can’t not control you with her mind, but perhaps can. Either found in a psyops unit or military intelligence. Either way, usually disturbs unit briefings by screaming loudly about imaginary things in the room. On second thought, might be the most genius thing ever to get out of briefs.

Inara
Not exactly sure how to categorize a Companion in military terms…but most probably civil affairs. No one understands exactly what she does but it makes everyone vaguely uncomfortable, so yes, most definitely a civil affairs officer. So mysterious that even the infantry guys stay away from her.

Friday, September 22, 2017

Military Humor

I shamelessly cribbed this off Facebook, I thought it was hilarious.


The military branches explained: the Army, Navy, and Marines are all brothers in a family. Army is the oldest and mom and dad made all their parenting mistakes with him. The Navy is the middle son, they're the explorers who left home and no one cared. The Marines are the youngest who mom and dad let do whatever they want and they still have an inferiority complex due to their small size.
Well, mom and dad got divorced once all the boys were grown. Mom got remarried to a rich guy and quickly gave birth to a fourth son, the Air Force. Now she loves him the most, showers him with the best toys, and buys him whatever he wants. When they go on vacation they fly first class, stay in 5 star hotels, and enjoy the finest meals. The air force is spoiled rotten and his three older brothers have bitter resentment toward him for this.
Finally there's the Coast Guard. The Coast Guard is the rich step dad's son from his first marriage and none of the other brothers think or act like he's part of the family.
That's the best way to explain the various service branches and their internal dynamics.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

The Origin of the Knife Hand


To those that have experienced the "Knife Hand", something that is uniquely American Military, I know the crayon eating group A.K.A. the U.S.M.C. say that they invented the Knife Hand, but they are trying to "culturally appropriate" the Knife hand from the grand daddy of all the services, the U.S. Army.  I and many others have experienced the "Knife Hand" first hand in Basic, it is a time honored tradition passed down from the mist of time like the lore of Old.  The Knife Hand.  I shamelessly cribbed the article from "Angry Staff Officer".


There are many iconic images in U.S. military history: Washington crossing the Delaware, the surrender at Appomattox, troops landing on Omaha Beach, to name a few. But few paintings or photographs have managed to capture one of the most significant weapons in the U.S. arsenal: the knife hand.
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Army Reserve drill sergeant, Staff Sgt. Robin Brown of Belton, S.C., with Company C, 1st Bn., 518th Inf. Reg., 98th Training Div. (IET), uses a demonstrator to teach the proper way to do several basic movements to Clemson University Reserve Officer Training Corps cadets during a drill and ceremony lab conducted by drill sergeants of the division on Clemson’s Bowman Field, Sept. 3, 2015. (U.S. Army photo by Sgt. Ken Scar) (Photo Credit: Sgt. Ken Scar)
Able to cleave the air with a thunderous blast of justice while projecting command aura, the knife hand serves as one of the single most effective weapons for modern U.S. military leaders. Indeed, new recruits into the U.S. military are greeted by knife hand-wielding drill sergeants, inspiring fear, respect, and awe. The knife hand can be used to discipline wayward troops, drive a point home during a briefing, or to direct the firepower of America’s finest in combat. It is no stretch of the English language to say that the knife hand has done more for the U.S. military than when they started putting the Skittles packets in MREs. But where did this monumental motion come from?
The origins of the military knife hand are shrouded in mystery and legend. As with all important facets of history, scholars are divided on the subject. Some say that it dates from the American Civil War. In its original form, the knife hand was known as the doigt de guerre, seen in the image below, in a historical recreation of that gesture employed by Capt. Canastadus Rufudus of the First Georgia Fusiliers (light). This gesture was inherited from the French military tradition.
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Author Emo Mutz’s recreation of the doigt de guerre.
Unfortunately, the doigt de guerre proved difficult to see in the era of black-powder musketry, so the revised System of Infantry Tactics by Brig. Gen. Silas Casey established the knife hand in its current form, as noted in “Title Fourth, School of the Battalion Part First, Article Third, couteau à main:
“The hand, dexter, shall be formed as of a plane, inclined so the distal side of the hand is perpendicular to the ground. The hand shall be raised smartly to an angle of 45 degrees and, through rapid vigourous motion, be brought down in a series of strokes viz a trebuchet.”
The couteau à main was quickly adopted by the Federal Army who had, without the benefit of the knife hand, gone through a rapid succession of commanding generals before Lt. Gen. Grant’s staff implemented it as a means of communicating orders. Grant would often keep his knife hand holstered at the ready as seen in the below photograph, using a popular military pose as a sheath for his deadly weapon. This procedure was widely adopted as can be seen in many surviving images of Civil War Soldiers to this day.
grant1
Knife hand, holstered. 
However, some scholars believe that the knife hand comes to the U.S. military from the Prussian tradition. It was during the Seven Years War that a young Second Lieutenant Friedrich Wilhelm von Steuben first used the messerhand to direct his troops during the Battle of Prague. Some say that his time as aide-de-camp to Frederick the Great further enforced his belief that the use of the messerhand could be used not only in combat, but in instruction as well. In 1777, when von Steuben – now bearing the title of “Baron” – arrived in the United States, he brought his theory of the messerhand with him.
During the grim winter at Valley Forge, Baron von Steuben began a training regimen for the Soldiers of the Continental Line. Often frustrated by the language barrier, von Steuben would demand for someone to translate his profanity into English. However, the Prussian officer did find one thing that exceeded the bounds of simple language: the knife hand.
As we read in a letter from a young Pennsylvanian officer in 1778, “Brite and early today, We stood to for Drill, the Colde pierced my Bones, but then we did see the Prussian noble, and unleasheth he a Mighty Hand, borne aloft with a Precise and Dread Purpose. Even as unto the Maker shall I never forget the swift Fury and Exactness with which he did upbraid us, as the way the Creator of the Universe set all in His Image. Strange to tell, my feeling of chill vanished away when his Hand did stab in my face and all was replaced with a Fierce and Fiery feeling of Awe.”
Because of von Steuben’s regimen of training – as well as the knife hand that he had empowered them with – the Continental Army was able to go into battle in 1778 equipped with the tools needed to stand toe-to-toe with the British Redcoats. Because of the knife hand, American gained its independence from England. From then on, the knife hand entered into unwritten U.S. military doctrine.
M-Monmouth-7-4C-LW12
Two Soldiers in the background can be seen attempting to brandish the knife hand at the Battle of Monmouth, 1778. It is possible that von Steuben’s technique may have been too difficult to grasp. Fortunately, Molly Pitcher knew what she was doing.
Of course, the knife hand could have merely developed out of the habitual need to brandish something. And since officers and non-commissioned officers may no longer use a sword, saber, riding crop, or spontoon to point at things, the knife hand has rapidly come into vogue, a pattern beginning after World War II.
Whatever its origins, the knife-hand has left its imprint on the U.S. military. Its use has come under some criticism lately, as being too harsh. However, used at the correct time and place, the knife hand is still a crucial weapon, whether on the battlefield under fire or when keeping colonels awake during a 3 hour staff meeting. The knife hand: don’t leave home without it.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Wall to wall Counseling...

 I am still out of Country and will be back tomorrow Yay!, this is loaded in the Scheduler thingie with Blogger

This has been something that I read about a few years and to me it was "Military Humor" and a good read



Preface
Military leadership is the process of influencing others in gaining respect and confidence
in order to accomplish the mission. Leaders have many tools available to them to assist them in
accomplishing this mission, and one of the most important is counseling. Effective counseling
will help make poor soldiers into good ones and good ones even better. It can correct marginal
performance, and it can be used to convince soldiers to make the Army their career.
However, there are some soldiers who will not respond to counseling. Perhaps the
soldier is incapable of learning the simplest of tasks. The soldier may be rebellious, challenging
authority just to see if he can “get away” with it. He may have been raised in a neighborhood
where the fist was mightier than the word; where fighting was the only way to survive. In any
case, there are some circumstances where a good kick in the pants is just what the doctor ordered
to bring the soldier back to Earth.
That’s’ what this manual is all about.
Although the teaching of a good solid knock upside the head in military academies
ceased long ago, the need for it has only intensified in recent years. The influx of large numbers
of college-trained soldiers has brought with it not only more intelligent soldiers, but also soldiers
who need to know “why” they have been sent to do something. The leader, upon being asked
“why” he has sent a soldier on police call, may feel the need to just haul off and hit the soldier
upside the head.
The leader will learn the minutiae of wall-to-wall counseling, such as when it is
appropriate, when it is inappropriate, how to prepare for the counseling session, how to conduct
the session, follow-up actions, staying out of jail, and circumstances in which wall-to-wall
counseling may be indicated but in which special techniques are called for.

   Here is the link for ""Wall to Wall Counseling"

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Comparing the Military Services..

I ran across this and saved it to post it when I had an opportunity.  

    I am an Army veteran so we can make jokes at the Air Force.  They DO treat their people better and that is a fact.....although I and other veterans do consider them........well pampered comes to mind.

    I will also add another one that had made the rounds a few times and I had seen a copy of this at the flight operations hut at Katterbach Germany(Near Ansbach)


Saturday, November 30, 2013

MRE's.......Meals rejected by everyone...."

I am an Army veteran and I still have an interest in the service,  One thing I like are cartoons....There is a cartoon, that you can find in Army Times and other places.  The cartoon is "DBS" and this weeks cartoon asked about MRE's, and the worst one we ever had....

Well the first time I had MRE's was in Basic Training in Fort Leonard Wood Missouri, we called it "Fort Lost in the wood"  or "Little Korea".  It was not a fun experience, I didn't really enjoy my time in the service until I got to Permanent Party which was where I went after all my training.  I spent a lot of time in the field while I was in Germany,  When we weren't on maneuvers, I spent time inside the 1K zone( The zone between East Germany West Germany and Czechoslovakia) There was a test I had to take to enter the zone under the auspices of 2nd ACR, to be border qualified.
    The following 2 photo's I took while doing a border tour.

 I was Border basic...My squad leader had a different exam as did the senior NCO's and Officers.  Well it was an eyeopening experience to see the "151" loaded with ammo and LAWS rockets.  We always made jokes that if the Soviets came through the Fulda Gap, we would be Speedbumps for"8th Guards Army". 

Well one of the things we got were 2 cases of MRE's.  When they first came out...they weren't that great, I used Tobasco Sauce to spice the dull selection along with Mrs. Dash.  The MRE I dreaded the most was the infamous "Ham and Chickenloaf", that pink glop was just vile.

  When we were in the field, we would try to make runs into town to pick up fresh food from the market to supplant our rations.  When they could, they would provide T rations that were opened up and brought to us in mermite containers.  The food was bland but filling.  Again my tobasco sauce and mrs dash would come to the rescue and Make bland food tasty...well better than before.  We also would trade with the German civilians for "real" food and they would take the MRE's.  
     When we got deployed to Saudi Arabia in Desert Shield in 1990 we ate MRE's for a long period of time, the rations had improved, one of my favorites believe it or not was the tuna and noodles and we had started getting M&M candies in the MRE's along with a little bottle of Tobasco sauce.  Between the cheese sauce and peanut butter we were pretty regular.
     Here is some information on MRE's
     mre case Meal, Ready to Eat, Individual - MRE
 

MREs (Meals, Ready-to-Eat)

MREs are the main operational food ration for the United States Armed Forces. You can check out the MRE History page for more a more in-depth history of how MREs came to be but the short version is that the c-rations and k-rations from World War II developed into the MCI (Meal, Combat, Individual) rations used in Korea and Vietnam. Then in 1980, the MRE was developed and became the primary ration for the US.

What is an MRE?

The MRE is a totally self-contained complete meal. One MRE = one meal. The packaging of an MRE is designed to withstand rough conditions and exposure to the elements. Inside each MRE bag is an entree and a variety of other food and drink items. MREs come packaged in cases with 12 MREs per case. There are currently 24 different "menus" or varieties of MREs. Menus 1-12 are packaged in a case designated Case A and menus 13-24 are packaged in Case B.

What's in an MRE?

You can find a listing of the exact components of each MRE on the MRE Menus page . The military makes a few changes to the menus every year so you will find a different menu listing for each year. In general, though, each MRE contains the following:
  • Entree - the main course, such as Spaghetti or Beef Stew
  • Side dish - rice, corn, fruit, or mashed potatoes, etc.
  • Cracker or Bread
  • Spread - peanut butter, jelly, or cheese spread
  • Dessert - cookies or pound cakes
  • Candy - M&Ms, Skittles, or Tootsie Rolls
  • Beverages - Gatorade-like drink mixes, cocoa, dairy shakes, coffee, tea
  • Hot sauce or seasoning - in some MREs
  • Flameless Ration Heater - to heat up the entree
  • Accessories - spoon, matches, creamer, sugar, salt, chewing gum, toilet paper, etc.
Each MRE provides an average of 1,250 calories (13% protein, 36% fat, and 51% carbohydrates) and 1/3 of the Military Recommended Daily Allowance of vitamins and minerals. A full day's worth of meals would consist of three MREs.
Here are some pictures of an MRE (2009 Menu #20) and its contents
MRE Bag and contents
MRE Bag MRE Contents
Spaghetti with Meat Sauce Entrée
Spaghetti & Meat Sauce Spaghetti & Meat Sauce
Chipotle Snack Bread and Cheese Spread
Wheat Snack Bread & Cheese Spread Wheat Snack Bread & Cheese Spread
Baked Snack Crackers (Hot & Spicy Flavor) - Cheez-Its
Baked Snack Crackers Baked Snack Crackers
Cherry Blueberry Cobbler
Cherry Blueberry Cobbler Cherry Blueberry Cobbler
Spoon, Drink Mix, and Accessory Pack Contents
Spoon & Accessory Pack Spoon & Accessory Pack

How do you eat an MRE?

True to its name, the MRE is "ready to eat" and everything can be consumed without cooking or heating (but the beverages are much better when water is added to the drink mixes). While the entrees and sides are fine to eat cold, they usually taste much better when heated up with the included Flameless Ration Heater or by boiling in water.

How long do MREs last?

Officially, MREs are designed to have a shelf life of three years when stored at 80 degree F. These times can be lengthened or shortened depending on their storage temperatures. Higher temperatures = shorter MRE lifespans. I've tried many MREs that were 10 or 15 years old and with the exception of a few parts that had darkened in color over time, they still tasted fine.
Please see this page for more information on MRE Shelf Life.

Where can I buy MREs?

The U.S. Government does not allow the manufacturers of military MREs to sell them to the general public. Please see the page on Buying MREs and also the page on Civilian MREs for a commercial alternative to military MREs.

Official Military MRE Page

This is the link to the official military page on MREs:
http://www.dscp.dla.mil/subs/rations/programs/mre/mreabt.asp

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Military Humor and staff quotes....

I decided to take a break for a day from all the blogging about the NSA spying on us, the IRS targeting us, the DOJ scoping us, the FBI blowing off any questions about the IRS targeting us, we have the DHS buying up ammo at a prolific rate and targeting us as "Extremist"., we have the HHS secretary with the epitome of "death panels" quotes about us, we have the EPA making more rulings that circumvent the rule of law about us......well crap I am sure I forgot a few....dozen alphabet agencies that believe that we have to be ruled by the elitist because we are too stupid to take care of ourselves...on the other hand. 
     Perhaps the fall of America was assured when the education of our children was turned over to the very entity that was feared the most by our founders..the Government .
     Perhaps the downfall was assured when Woodrow Wilson 30 years later inserted the word "Democracy" into the popular lexicon for the first time.
     Perhaps our hopes are dashed by politicians of a certain political party Communist,Heathen,Godless, Leftist,, Marxist assholes that put their political future above the country Democrats who fight voter I.D. laws because they would benefit from the casting of votes by non-Americans.
     Perhaps when we awoke on November 7th and realized that the clueless dumbed down low information
Or maybe we should all have recognized that the end was approaching when we woke up last November 7th to find that the voters of this country had put the community-organizing jerk Barack 0bama back into office for the second time.  There is no way a country based on liberty and self-reliance can survive an electorate stupid enough to put a sorry anti-American SOB like 0bama back into office.  - See more at: http://www.boortz.com/weblogs/nealz-nuze/2013/jun/19/you-might-not-want-read/#sthash.4Qenm4EN.dpuf
Perhaps the demise of America was assured 100 years ago when it was decided that the education of our children would be turned over to the very entity they should fear the most – government.
Perhaps America’s downfall was assured about 30 years later when Woodrow Wilson inserted the word “democracy” into a State of the Union speech for the very first time.
Perhaps our last hopes are being dashed by politicians who fight voter ID laws because they know that they will be the ones to benefit from fraudulent votes cast by non-citizens.
Surely Americans should have recognized that hope was lost when the lie started spreading about a “right to vote” in presidential elections.
Or maybe we should all have recognized that the end was approaching when we woke up last November 7th to find that the voters of this country had put the community-organizing jerk Barack 0bama back into office for the second time.  There is no way a country based on liberty and self-reliance can survive an electorate stupid enough to put a sorry anti-American SOB like 0bama back into office.
- See more at: http://www.boortz.com/weblogs/nealz-nuze/2013/jun/19/you-might-not-want-read/#sthash.4Qenm4EN.dpuf
Perhaps the demise of America was assured 100 years ago when it was decided that the education of our children would be turned over to the very entity they should fear the most – government.
Perhaps America’s downfall was assured about 30 years later when Woodrow Wilson inserted the word “democracy” into a State of the Union speech for the very first time.
Perhaps our last hopes are being dashed by politicians who fight voter ID laws because they know that they will be the ones to benefit from fraudulent votes cast by non-citizens.
Surely Americans should have recognized that hope was lost when the lie started spreading about a “right to vote” in presidential elections.
Or maybe we should all have recognized that the end was approaching when we woke up last November 7th to find that the voters of this country had put the community-organizing jerk Barack 0bama back into office for the second time.  There is no way a country based on liberty and self-reliance can survive an electorate stupid enough to put a sorry anti-American SOB like 0bama back into office.
- See more at: http://www.boortz.com/weblogs/nealz-nuze/2013/jun/19/you-might-not-want-read/#sthash.4Qenm4EN.dpuf
Perhaps the demise of America was assured 100 years ago when it was decided that the education of our children would be turned over to the very entity they should fear the most – government.
Perhaps America’s downfall was assured about 30 years later when Woodrow Wilson inserted the word “democracy” into a State of the Union speech for the very first time.
Perhaps our last hopes are being dashed by politicians who fight voter ID laws because they know that they will be the ones to benefit from fraudulent votes cast by non-citizens.
Surely Americans should have recognized that hope was lost when the lie started spreading about a “right to vote” in presidential elections.
Or maybe we should all have recognized that the end was approaching when we woke up last November 7th to find that the voters of this country had put the community-organizing jerk Barack 0bama back into office for the second time.  There is no way a country based on liberty and self-reliance can survive an electorate stupid enough to put a sorry anti-American SOB like 0bama back into office.
- See more at: http://www.boortz.com/weblogs/nealz-nuze/2013/jun/19/you-might-not-want-read/#sthash.4Qenm4EN.dpuf
.voters, reelected a community activist that loves to take vacations and play golf and cater to the democrat base rather than represent all of us.  How can a country based on self-reliance and liberty  survive an electorate stupid enough to put a sorry assed  anti-American SOB like Obama back into office.
    
     Well I saw this cartoon surfing around the internet.  I remembered something like this at the Flight Operations building in Ansbach Germany with the Ist Armored Division  in 1987 when I went there for training with my MOS on loan from the 1st Infantry Division.
    

Perhaps the demise of America was assured 100 years ago when it was decided that the education of our children would be turned over to the very entity they should fear the most – government.
Perhaps America’s downfall was assured about 30 years later when Woodrow Wilson inserted the word “democracy” into a State of the Union speech for the very first time.
Perhaps our last hopes are being dashed by politicians who fight voter ID laws because they know that they will be the ones to benefit from fraudulent votes cast by non-citizens.
Surely Americans should have recognized that hope was lost when the lie started spreading about a “right to vote” in presidential elections.
Or maybe we should all have recognized that the end was approaching when we woke up last November 7th to find that the voters of this country had put the community-organizing jerk Barack 0bama back into office for the second time.  There is no way a country based on liberty and self-reliance can survive an electorate stupid enough to put a sorry anti-American SOB like 0bama back into office.
- See more at: http://www.boortz.com/weblogs/nealz-nuze/2013/jun/19/you-might-not-want-read/#sthash.4Qenm4EN.dpuf
.I shamelessly ripped this off my friend "Shelldude's" Facebook posting.  
Classic Quotes - A Little Military Humor


At this command, we have written in large, black letters: DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) on the back of our security badges." Maj (CENTCOM)

"'Leaning forward' is really just the first phase of 'falling on your face.'" Marine Col (MARFOREUR)

"I am so far down the food chain that I've got plankton bites on my butt."

"None of us is as dumb as all of us." Excerpted from a brief (EUCOM)

"We're from the nuke shop, sir. We're the crazy aunt in the closet that nobody likes to talk about ..." Lt Col (EUCOM) in briefings

"Things are looking up for us here. In fact, Papua-New Guinea is thinking of offering two platoons: one of Infantry (headhunters) and one of engineers (hut builders). They want to eat any Iraqis they kill. We've got no issues with that, but State is being anal about it." LTC (JS) on OIF coalition-building.

"The chance of success in these talks is the same as the number of "R's" in 'fat chance...'" GS-15 (SHAPE)

"His knowledge on that topic is only power point deep..." MAJ (JS)

"Ya know, in this Command, if the world were supposed to end tomorrow, it would still happen behind schedule." CWO4 (EUCOM)

"We are condemned men who are chained and will row in place until we rot." LtCol (CENTCOM) on life at his Command

"Right now we're pretty much the ham in a bad ham sandwich..." GO/FO (EUCOM)

"If we wait until the last minute to do it, it'll only take a minute." MAJ(EUCOM)

"The only reason that anything ever gets done is because there are pockets of competence in every command. The key is to find them ... and then exploit the hell out of 'em." CDR (CENTCOM)

"I may be slow, but I do poor work..." MAJ (USAREUR)

"Cynicism is the smoke that rises from the ashes of burned out dreams." Maj (CENTCOM) on the daily thrashings delivered to AOs at his Command.

"WE are the reason that Rumsfeld hates us..." LTC (EUCOM) doing some standard, Army self-flagellation

"Working with Hungary is like watching a bad comedy set on auto repeat..." LCDR (EUCOM)

"I finally figured out that when a Turkish officer tells you, "It’s no problem," he means, for him." Maj (EUCOM)

"Never in the history of the US Armed Forces have so many done so much for so few..." MAJ (Task Force Warrior) on the "success" of the Free Iraqi Forces (FIF) Training Program, where 1100 Army troops trained 77 Iraqi exiles at the cost of, well, way too much...

"Our days are spent trying to get some poor, unsuspecting third world country to pony up to spending a year in a sweltering desert, full of pissed off Arabs who would rather shave the back of their legs with a cheese grater than submit to foreign occupation by a country for whom they have nothing but contempt." LTC (JS) on the joys of coalition building

"I guess the next thing they'll ask for is 300 US citizens with Hungarian last names to send to Iraq..." MAJ (JS) on the often-frustrating process of building the Iraqi coalition for Phase IV

"Between us girls, would it help to clarify the issue if you knew that Hungary is land-locked?" CDR to MAJ (EUCOM) on why a deployment from Hungary is likely to proceed by air rather than sea

"So, what do you wanna do?"..."I dunno, what do YOU wanna do?"..."I dunno, what do YOU wanna do?," etc. -- COL (DIA) describing the way OUSD(P) develops and implements their strategies.

"I'll be right back. I have to go pound my nuts flat..." Lt Col (EUCOM) after being assigned a difficult task.

"I guess this is the wrong power cord for the computer, huh?" LtCol (EUCOM) after the smoke cleared from plugging his 110V computer into a 220V outlet

"OK, this is too stupid for words." LTC (JS)

"When you get right up to the line that you're not supposed to cross, the only person in front of you will be me!" CDR (CENTCOM) on his view of the value of being politically correct in today's military

"There's nothing wrong with crossing that line a little bit, it's jumping over it buck naked that will probably get you in trouble..." Lt Col (EUCOM) responding to the above

"Never pet a burning dog." LTC (Tennessee National Guard)

"Ah, the joys of Paris: a unique chance to swill warm wine and be mesmerized by the dank ambrosia of unkempt armpits..." LCDR (NAVEUR) [obviously this guy has been to the wrong parts of Paris...]

"'Status quo,' as you know, is Latin for 'the mess we're in...'" Attributed to former President Ronald Reagan

"We are now past the good idea cutoff point..." MAJ (JS) on the fact that somebody always tries to "fine tune" a COA with more "good ideas"

"Nobody ever said you had to be smart to make 0-6." Col (EUCOM)

"I haven't complied with a darn thing and nothing bad has happened to me yet."

"Whatever happened to good old-fashioned military leadership? Just task the first two people you see."

"Accuracy and attention to detail take a certain amount of time."

"I seem to be rapidly approaching the apex of my mediocre career." MAJ (JS)

"Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress."

"It's not a lot of work unless you have to do it." LTC (EUCOM)

"Creating smoking holes (with bombs) gives our lives meaning and enhances our manliness." LTC (EUCOM) at a CT conference

"Eventually, we have to 'make nice' with the French, although, since I'm new in my job, I have every expectation that I'll be contradicted." DOS rep at a Counter Terrorism Conference

"Once you accept that a dog is a dog, you can't get upset when it barks." Lt Col (USSOCOM)

"That guy just won't take 'yes' for an answer." MAJ (EUCOM)

"Let's just call Lessons Learned what they really are: institutionalized scab picking."

"I can describe what it feels like being a Staff Officer in two words: distilled pain." CDR (NAVEUR)

"When all else fails, simply revel in the absurdity of it all." LCDR (CENTCOM)

"Never attribute to malice that which can be ascribed to sheer stupidity." LTC (CENTCOM)
Or maybe we should all have recognized that the end was approaching when we woke up last November 7th to find that the voters of this country had put the community-organizing jerk Barack 0bama back into office for the second time.  There is no way a country based on liberty and self-reliance can survive an electorate stupid enough to put a sorry anti-American SOB like 0bama back into office.  - See more at: http://www.boortz.com/weblogs/nealz-nuze/2013/jun/19/you-might-not-want-read/#sthash.4Qenm4EN.dpuf
Or maybe we should all have recognized that the end was approaching when we woke up last November 7th to find that the voters of this country had put the community-organizing jerk Barack 0bama back into office for the second time.  There is no way a country based on liberty and self-reliance can survive an electorate stupid enough to put a sorry anti-American SOB like 0bama back into office.  - See more at: http://www.boortz.com/weblogs/nealz-nuze/2013/jun/19/you-might-not-want-read/#sthash.4Qenm4EN.dpuf

Monday, August 6, 2012

Ribbons for the chairborne set.....

I ran across this and though of all the PX warriors out there...here is some more for their "fruit salad"