I shamelessly clipped this from American Thinker. I am a huge fan of Jeff Foxworthy, and I have been to several of his "concerts" here at the FOX theater in the ATL. Jeff Foxworthy didn't do this parody, although I think he would like the idea.
Foxworthy made it big with his "you just might be a redneck" routine.
Foxworthy's success inspired me to flatter him, sincerely, with a "you
just might be a Progressive Democrat" imitation. The take-off goes as
you think you are the most tolerant person in the room but label all
opposing views "hate speech," you just might be a Progressive Democrat.
you believe that being gay is hardwired and unchangeable but insist
that male and female are merely social constructs and that folks can
change their "gender identities" from one day to the next, there's a
good chance you are a Progressive Democrat.
you lose sleep over a possible two-degree increase in global
temperature over the next fifty years and believe that 97% of all
climate scientists think the Earth is getting dramatically warmer due to
greenhouse gases...and that buying a heavily subsidized Tesla will make
things appreciably better, there's a good chance you're a
no-windmills-in-my-backyard Progressive Democrat.
you have no idea who Richard Lindzen, John Coleman, Bjorn Lomborg, or
Freeman Dyson is, you're probably a very Green Progressive Democrat.
you are passionate about protecting snail darters, spotted owls, and
gray wolves but believe there's a constitutional right to dismember a
nine-month-old human baby in his mother's womb, you are quite likely a
you cite Pope Francis's comments about global warming and the
environment, believing they come from one of the most morally insightful
persons on the planet, but pay no attention to papal pronouncements
concerning abortion and the family, there's a good chance you are a
Nancy Pelosi, cafeteria-Catholic Progressive Democrat.
you support "diversity" but see nothing amiss with colleges and
universities whose faculties are overwhelmingly leftist, or if you have
no problem with major media that are similarly one-sided politically,
you just might be a Progressive Democrat.
you don't know that the Progressive movement and the founder of Planned
Parenthood, Margaret Sanger, are closely connected with racist
eugenics, you're probably a historically illiterate Progressive
you still think Benghazi was caused by an internet video and have no
clue that the Coptic immigrant who produced the video was imprisoned for
several months in Texas, you are almost certainly a mainstream media
If you aren't troubled by the use of the IRS
to suppress conservative "Tea Party" groups prior to the 2012 election
(and afterward), you just might be a Progressive Democrat.
you are outraged by Donald Trump's about-faces and inaccurate
statements but aren't at all perturbed by President Obama's
misrepresentations with respect to the Affordable Care Act ("if you like
your doctor, you can keep your doctor; we'll lower premiums by up to
$2,500 for a typical family per year"), there's a good chance you are a
If you think "Fast and Furious" is a remake of Eddie Murphy's 48 Hrs., you just might be a Progressive Democrat.
you were alarmed by the never confirmed accusation that a single person
in a large Tea Party crowd hurled the "n-word" at a black congressman
but are unperturbed when leftists actually riot, destroy property,
endanger lives, and shut down political speech on campuses – or when an
organized group of Black Lives Matter protesters chant, "Pigs in a
blanket, fry 'em like bacon," it is quite likely you are a Progressive
you are "pro-choice" but don't believe in giving Americans choices when
it comes to buying a firearm or choosing their kids' schools, you just
might be a Progressive Democrat.
you are incensed by the income gap in this country but think nothing
about the Obamas sending their kids to the elite Sidwell Friends School
while opposing and even removing educational options for poor parents
whose offspring are stuck in failing Washington, D.C. public schools,
you are quite likely a teacher union-supporting Progressive Democrat.
If you don't mind pressing 2 for English, you're more than likely a Progressive Democrat.
it doesn't give you a moment's pause to overturn marital traditions
that have existed for millennia because a handful of possibly biased
social science surveys say it's okay, you are probably a nearsighted,
kid-unfriendly Progressive Democrat.
you don't acknowledge the violent history of Islam but instinctively
associate Christianity with the Crusades, the Inquisition, and Salem's
witch trials, there's more than a good chance you are a secular
Progressive Democrat for whom "the enemy of my enemy is my friend."
you think "lack of economic opportunity" is the primary cause of the
70% out-of-wedlock birth rate among black Americans and that
fatherlessness has little to do with high crime rates in that community,
you just may be an ideologically blinkered, morality-averse Progressive
you think the words "racist," "sexist," "homophobic," "ethnocentric,"
and "religiously bigoted" should be integral parts of the National
Anthem and never give a thought to the fact that a million immigrants
come to the U.S. each year, you just may be, and probably are, an angry,
ungrateful, politically obsessed Progressive Democrat.