I have blogged before about "Angry Staff Officer", and like I have said, you can blame my friend "Mac" for turning me onto the guy. Well anyway, "Angry Staff Officer", uses Star Wars references and other cultural icons to describe Military Life. he also uses it as a training aid, because the movies are understood by everyone who joins the service and it is easy to make a point using "Star Wars".
Secret Base on [REDACTED]
Dear Mom,
Taking a moment to drop you a line. As
you know, life here in the Rebel Alliance has been kind of crazy of
late, what with the whole Death Star business and everything. You hear
about Alderaan? I’m not even sure if I believe the news, sounds like
Imperial propaganda trying to throw us off. Has definitely caused a lot
of action here on base. There’s ships coming and going like you wouldn’t
believe.
As you know, I took that promotion to
sergeant in the Alliance’s military police corps. It’s definitely a
different world from the maintenance bays. There, we hardly had to do
anything; the droids handled all the work orders and we could just hide
out in the hangers playing games or sleeping. But now, we’ve got real
jobs to do. We’ve been told that our orders come direct from Mon Mothma
herself, which is pretty crazy.
I guess you’re probably wondering what
it is we do. It’s not too much to say that we’re the real lynchpin
holding this base together. Security is the most important thing, of
course. We’ve got patrols and gate guards that handle things on the
ground to keep our perimeter safe. Really, those X-Wing pilots couldn’t
do their jobs without us, because if we weren’t there the whole base
would be overrun with who-knows-what: animals and locals and
Stormtroopers, probably. But we keep this place locked down. I served as
shift NCOIC for our quick reaction force for a few weeks and that was
pretty cool. We only got called out once because there was a
malfunctioning droid that was trying to wander off post, but still: an
important job.
Now I’m part of the Speed Control and
Abatement Team (SCAT) which is a pretty big deal. See, safety is
paramount in everything we do. In fact, according to the last briefing
we had at the company level, safety is our number one priority. As
Lieutenant Porkins says – he’s Red Squadron’s safety officer, by the way
– “we can’t fly if we’re all dead from accidents.” And you’ve got to
admit, he’s got a point. In the last safety office review, it was found
that approach speeds for vessels coming to the landing pad were
responsible for 73% of all ship-to-ship accidents. So now it is our
responsibility to ensure that those accidents are kept to a minimum. To
do that, we use scanners to analyze the ship’s approach vector and speed
and if it exceeds the posted standards we ticket that ship’s captain. I
tell you what, in the past three weeks I’ve written 15 tickets and
there’s been a huge drop in violations. I even got Admiral Ackbar coming
in too hot one time. He accused me of a speed trap but the scanner
doesn’t lie. The worst chewing out I ever got was from Lieutenant Wedge
Antilles, though. I almost thought he was going to draw his blaster on
me, but he paid his fine in the end.
Now, don’t get me wrong, it can get
pretty boring up in those towers. I pass my 4 hour shift by counting
birds – although the fighter ships have really done a number on those
birds with their engines. There’s dead birds everywhere. We actually
have to send out details to collect them off the landing pads, otherwise
they can get sucked into engines and it makes more mess than a Bantha
with the runs.
Other stuff I do when not on tower
duty is to do patrols to ensure everyone is wearing the correct safety
gear – we’ve got this panel you wear at night that lights up so that you
don’t get run over, and it’s mandatory for wear but for some reason
people don’t like it. Princess Leia Organa tried to get away without
wearing it but we reported her to Mon Mothma. Unfortunately, I don’t
think Mon Mothma took us seriously. She will when someone gets run over
by a speeder, that’s for sure.
I’m not sure the head shed takes what
we do seriously. A few days ago some rogue personnel took off without
clearance in a captured Imperial shuttle – no paperwork, nothing, just
some made-up callsign of Rogue One. Well, I filed all the correct
paperwork, hit them with a 2000 credit fine, but it got all hushed up
for some reason. Later that day they scrambled like half the fleet.
Still don’t know what that was about but things were crazy for a while:
no manifests, no clearances, and no accountability. I don’t know what
things are coming to. Blue Squadron never even checked back in.
But mom, get this! Earlier today, a
Corellian freighter came in WAY over the speed limit and I saw Princess
Organa get off it with some scruffy looking folks and a real Wookie!
They totally do exist! And I always thought you were making them up to
try to scare me into eating my vegetables. Anyways, the base has been on
lockdown since they arrived and I can see a lot of movement on the
flight pads. Looks like Red and Gold Squadrons are prepping for
something. Wish they’d file their manifests properly.
Damn, there goes that Corellian
freighter again! Gotta go, mom, lots of paperwork to do to write that
guy up. I don’t know who he thinks he is.
Love to all,
Sergeant Issa Prellian
RA MP Corps
“Vigilance is a Force Multiplier”
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