I ripped this off Mike's Facebook page....The pics are compliments of "google"
After renowned entrepreneur Mike Rowe heard that some feminized schmuck at
The New York Times penned an absurd column listing the “
27 Ways to Be a [Feminized] Modern Man,” he fought back with a
kick-butt rebuttal that explained to liberals what a REAL MAN looks and acts like.
Shoes
NYT: “When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he
doesn’t have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands
run big or small.”
Mike Rowe: “
A Man’s Man would not buy shoes for his spouse,
or be familiar with the vagaries of various female footwear brands. He
might offer to pay for them, and he would definitely compliment her
choice. And if he knows the size of her feet, it’s only because he rubs
them from time to time.”
Uncertainty
NYT: “The modern man never lets other people know when his confidence
has sunk. He acts as if everything is going swimmingly until it is.”
Mike Rowe: “
A Man’s Man feels no shame in admitting uncertainty,
because he knows that doing so will make him more certain. He’s
transparent about his flaws and shortcomings, and makes no attempt to be
more secure or knowledgeable or competent than he actually is.”
Consideration
NYT: “The modern man is considerate. At the movie theater,
he won’t munch down a mouthful of popcorn during a quiet moment. He
waits for some ruckus.”
Mike Rowe: “A Man’s Man is also considerate. But he would never
consciously time his chewing to coincide with the noisy parts of the
film.
He does not walk on eggshells.”
Food
NYT: “The modern man doesn’t cut the fatty or charred bits
off his fillet. Every bite of steak is a privilege, and it all goes down
the hatch.”
Mike Rowe: “A Man’s Man will clean his plate, assuming of course he’s
the one who put the food on it. But he feels no obligation to suck the
marrow out of a bone, or eat the bruise on the banana, or consume the
cob as well as the corn.
He does not equate his manliness with a willingness [to] consume food that’s been poorly prepared.”
Parking
NYT: “The modern man won’t blow 10 minutes of his life
looking for the best parking spot. He finds a reasonable one and puts
his car between the lines.”
Mike Rowe: “
A Man’s Man knows it’s wiser to park closer to the exit than the entrance.”
Self-Reliance
NYT: “Before the modern man heads off to bed, he makes sure
his spouse’s phone and his kids’ electronic devices are charging for the
night.”
Mike Rowe: “
A Man’s Man knows that self-reliance is born of experience.
He encourages his kids to look after their own stuff, and suffer the
consequences when they do not. The wife is another matter.”
Beverages
NYT: “The modern man buys only regular colas, like Coke or
Dr Pepper. If you walk into his house looking for a Mountain Dew, he’ll
show you the door.”
Mike Rowe: “
A Man’s Man doesn’t drink children’s beverages.
He drinks tap water, wine, coffee, beer, whiskey, or iced tea. He does
however, keep soda pop on hand, on the off chance a modern man stops
by.”
Words
NYT: “The modern man uses the proper names for things. For
example, he’ll say “helicopter,” not “chopper” like some gauche
simpleton.”
Mike Rowe: “A Man’s Man is less worried about using the right word, and more concerned with being understood.
But under no circumstance, does he ‘dumb down’ the language.”
Identity
NYT: “Having a daughter makes the modern man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day.”
Mike Rowe: “A Man’s Man is already a complete person.
His identity does not depend upon sons, daughters, spouses, friends, or pets.
He is not a loner, and he cherishes the relationships he has. But he
knows that his ‘completion’ is nothing but a reflection of knowing who
he is.”
Dishes
NYT: “The modern man makes sure the dishes on the rack have dried completely before putting them away.”
Mike Rowe: “
A Man’s Man will always volunteer to wash the dishes.
He may or may not put them away, but regardless, he understands the
phenomenon of evaporation, and doesn’t concern himself with a codified
system for drying.”
Never
NYT: “The modern man has never ‘pinned’ a tweet, and he never will.”
Mike Rowe: “A Man’s Man does not know what that even means. But
he rarely says ‘never.’”
Soap
NYT: “The modern man checks the status of his Irish Spring bar before jumping in for a wash. Too small, it gets swapped out.”
Mike Rowe: “
A Man’s Man uses Lava Soap. He uses it until it’s the size of a dime.”
Entertainment
NYT: “The modern man listens to Wu-Tang at least once a week.”
Mike Rowe: “
A Man’s Man watches reruns of Kung-Fu.”
Groceries
NYT: “The modern man still jots down his grocery list on a
piece of scratch paper. The market is no place for his face to be buried
in the phone.”
Mike Rowe: “
A Man’s Man does not make lists. He
knows what he likes, what he needs, and what he wants. If he has to
write it down, he understands it was not worth having in the first
place.”
Flooring
NYT: “The modern man has hardwood flooring. His children can detect his mood from the stamp of his Kenneth Cole oxfords.”
Mike Rowe: “
A Man’s Man is not committed to any particular type of flooring.
He doesn’t attempt to communicate with his children through his
footsteps, and he doesn’t own oxfords, unless they’re steel-toed.”
Sleeping
NYT: “The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to
the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that
his wife has a chance to get away.”
Mike Rowe: “A Man’s Man knows that a struggle closest to the door
will effectively block the exit through which his wife might flee. So he
secures the house in a way that keeps intruders out, and
sleeps wherever he wants.”
Fruits
NYT: “The modern man has a melon baller. How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?”
Mike Rowe: “
The Man’s Man, if he serves fruit at all, prepares wedges, squares, and rectangles. He accomplishes this with a knife.”
NYT: “The modern man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.”
Mike Rowe: “
A Man’s Man doesn’t think ‘seriously’ about any purchase under $5.”
Flowers
NYT: “The modern man buys fresh flowers more to surprise his wife than to say he is sorry.”
Mike Rowe: “
A Man’s Man picks wildflowers on the side of the road, wraps them with a bootlace, and presents them with an original, hand-written poem.”
Bedmates
NYT: “On occasion, the modern man is the “little spoon.”
Some nights, when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an
emotional and physical shield.”
Mike Rowe: “
A Man’s Man will do whatever’s necessary to please his bedmate – not himself. But he roundly rejects all metaphors, especially those that involve utensils.”
Sneezing Daughter
NYT: “The modern man doesn’t scold his daughter when she
sneezes while eating an apple doughnut, even if the pieces fly
everywhere.”
Mike Rowe: “
A Man’s Man would laugh and then say ‘Bless you,’ or ‘gesundheit.’ Then, he’d make sure she wipes her nose and cleans up the crumbs.”
Ambling
NYT: “The modern man still ambles half-naked down his driveway each morning to scoop up a crisp newspaper.”
Mike Rowe: “
A Man’s Man does not amble. Moreover, he
would have aleady impressed upon the paper boy the importance of
getting the morning paper all the way up on the porch. Where it
belongs.”
Films
NYT: “The modern man has all of Michael Mann’s films on Blu-ray (or whatever the highest quality thing is at the time.)”
MR: “
A Man’s Man doesn’t own films – he rents them.
He also values effectiveness over efficiency, and knows that the ‘latest
technology’ will be obsolete in a few months. For this reason, he makes
no attempt to own the newest of anything.”
Preferences
NYT: “The modern man doesn’t get hung up on his phone’s battery percentage. If it needs to run flat, so be it.”
Mike Rowe: “
A Man’s Man prefers his gas tank full, his weapon loaded, his pantry stocked, and his checkbook balanced. He also likes his phone sufficiently charged, and takes the necessary steps to accomplish that.”
Guns
NYT: “The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.”
Mike Rowe: “
A Man’s Man owns at least one firearm.
He knows how to use it, clean it, and store it properly. He understands
it’s importance, and sees it for what it is – a tool that can protect
him and his family.”
Crying
NYT: “The modern man cries. He cries often.”
Mike Rowe: “
A Man’s Man cries if he feels like crying. But he rarely feels like it.”
Dancing
NYT: “People aren’t sure if the modern man is a good dancer
or not. That is, until the D.J. plays his jam and he goes out there and
puts on a clinic.”
Mike Rowe: “
People know without question a Man’s Man does not dance. But they also know if called upon, he’ll give it his best shot…”
